July 31, 2012

Baring my [broken] Heart...

So I'll go ahead and warn you that this post will be full of a lot of emotion, heartache, & just...well me. 
The me I am right now anyways. 

It'll talk about God and my relationship with him.
It'll talk about my family. 
It'll talk about hurt. 

And this is mostly for me. 
Partly, I want you to know where I've been the past few days and give you an idea of why I might be sporadic in the coming weeks...or months...

So if any of this might offend you or cause you to say hurtful things, please click away from it now. 
This is my blog where I want to share... me. 
So please be kind & please realize that I'm hurting before you leave nasty or damaging comments. 

**************************************

My heart hurts. 
Have we established that? 
I woke up this morning with that little glimmer of hope that maybe the past few days have just been a nightmare.
I would wake up, sit up in bed and everything would be right in my little world again.
Little man would come in to demand attention, hubby would turn over and groan at having to go to work. 
I'd kiss him and either fall back asleep or get up and start my day.
A normal day. 
A day of painting, getting homework in order, playing with little man and waiting for the hubs to get home so I could spend my evening with both of them. 

What I wouldn't do for a normal day.
The normal day I had just a week ago. 

And then that awful feeling hits.
You realize it's not a nightmare.
You ARE awake and your world is still in pieces all around you. 

You're left holding them having no idea what you're going to do to put them back together.
Because, you see, some of the pieces are missing. 

A few days ago, in the middle of the night, 
my husband left. 
He walked out the door. 
And he's not back. 

And this isn't the first time. 

I lived this nightmare a little under two years ago. 

Two years ago he told me he didn't want to be married anymore. 
He walked out and chaos ensued for nearly three months.
I had no idea what to do. 
I think I walked around like a half-person during that time. 
I lived, I ate, I went to school, I was a mom.
But I was half of myself. 

It was a back and forth game last time that we played until he decided one day that he was sorry and wanted to come home. 
We went through counseling, he told me he knew he wanted to be there this time. 
We've had the past two years together.
Ups and downs but never talk of this again. 

And then here we are again. 

It was out of the blue, unexpected. 
One minute we're watching a family movie, snuggling on the couch.
The next he blurts out that he doesn't think being married is for him. 

And I could feel it all crumbling down again in an instant. 

The past few days have been a blur. 
I feel trapped in a place that I never asked to be in. 
I feel hurt, angry, betrayed, confused, scared...everything. 

But mostly I hurt.
I hurt in ways that you never even knew existed. 
One minute I think I'm okay and I can walk forward with this.
The next, an overwhelming feeling of sadness crashes over me and leaves me barely able to breathe. 

I want to be away from home but when I'm away, I only want to be home. 
I want comfort but don't find it in the things that normally soothe me. 
Every time a car passes down the street, my head whips around to get a glimpse of whether it's his little black car or not. 

Horrifying thoughts go through my head and it's hard to make sense of it all.
It's hard to imagine that I'm in this place again. 
It's hard to miss him and be so angry with him all at once. 

It's hard to look down the road at the next few weeks and months and know that there is so much grief and sadness and hard times ahead.
No matter the outcome, it'll be hard and it's going to be a process. 
And I'm so mad that I'm here again. 



I'm surrounded by amazing friends. Amazing family. 
I have love and company. 
I have support and people to talk to unending about all this.
But talking doesn't solve anything. Working it around again and again in my head always comes up with different ways to look at it, different outcomes, different emotions. 

He's left. He's gone.
I'm alone to pick up the pieces and figure out where to go from here. 
My heart is in pieces. 
The person that should be there, the person I should trust, the person who should be holding me to get through times like this...has caused this pain.

I get mad at God.
I wonder why He's allowed this to happen yet again.
Why couldn't it have just ended the last time? 
Why bring him back just to take him away again? 

God is the only one that can reach out and soothe my heart and soul when I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out. 
He whispers in my fears and cries along with me. 
I know He's the only one who can reach my husband. 
I know He's the only one who knows where my heart stands and how much it can handle. 



I find rest in Him. 
I find peace and solitude during the moments I hurt most. 
He walks alongside me and lets me lean on Him when I feel like falling down. 
I know He's there. 

My heart hurts, guys. 
My head hurts. I'm exhausted. 

I want to push fast-forward and see how this all plays out. 
I love my husband. I love being his wife. 
I hate that he has left this gaping hole behind him. 
Sometimes I hate that I miss him. 
I wish I could just forget and move on without looking back. 
But that's just not how that works. 

I realize more than last time that I don't have any control over this.
I could beg, plead and cry for him to come home. 
I could chase him down and tell him how much he's loved and how much our home doesn't feel right without him. 

But none of that matters without him deciding once and for all that he's committed.
Committed to me, to us, to our life. 
He's run away, he's left. He's given himself the space that he thinks he needs. 
And all I can do is step back and let him take it. 
He can't keep coming back into our lives and then back out whenever the feeling hits. 
It's not fair to me. It's not fair to little man. 
And it hurts like hell to let him just go. 
I left his things out in the driveway a few nights ago and I thought I'd crumble underneath the shear disbelief of what was happening. 
How did it come to this? 

But I waited for him last time.
I've told him over and over that I love him and that I want to make things work. 
He knows this. 
He knows where I stand. 
And now I just wait. 

I pray that he realizes the life he'd be leaving behind. 
I pray that I can handle whatever happens. 

It's the pieces around me that hurt the most. 
The pieces he's left behind. 
I feel alone even with people all around me. 
I feel lost. 
I feel scared of what the future holds. 
I take a lot of joy in my house and right now now it feels like a trap. 
Filled with his memories, his pictures and his missing presence. 


Pray for me guys, kay? 
I'm hurting. 
I know somehow it'll be okay. 
I'm just trying to get through it all one day at a time. 





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July 23, 2012

The Totally Glammed-Out Dresser Redo


How are you guys this week? 

I'm neck-deep in furniture redos at the moment.
I have a whole garage full of pieces to finish, to sell & just to start on.
And twelve, yes, twelve more pieces coming in the next couple weeks from a new client.
Yup. I'm crazy.

So I asked you guys on Facebook yesterday if you'd rather see a crazy awesome dresser reveal or pics from the baby shower I did this past weekend.
It was pretty much divided so I decided to show the dresser now & the shower later this week, kay? 

See, I DO value your opinions.
So come hang out on Facebook and let me know what you think of all my craziness!!

So, my friend had this dresser. 
That was desperately in need of a facelift. 
Want to see what we were working with? 


Isn't it a fun shape? 
I love the bottom of it- it has such modern lines hidden under all that icky beat-up wood. 

And I loved the drawers- 
the bottom four all had curved faces with no hardware which I really liked. 
The top four narrow drawers were flat and had hardware.

We thought about adding hardware to all of them but decided against it because we loved the idea of adding some bling to the top ones later & didn't want it to overwhelm the piece. 


The main thing we had to keep in mind was that her hubby really wanted to keep the natural wood top.
He had worked hard to strip and restain it so it was the requirement :) 

Which ended up working out perfectly.
Check out the beauty after we got through with it: 


Isn't it just absolutely gorgeous?? 
It's so sleek and fabulous now!!!

Check out that gorgeous stained top: 
I'm not taking credit for that- her hubby did a great job! 
It looks so different now with the rest painted, huh? 


We painted the body of the dresser in a shimmery silver from the precious metals collection by Martha Stewart.
It needed a bunch of coats because the paint was super thin.
But it was so worth it :) 

We ended up with a gorgeous, shimmery silver that worked with the stained top beautifully. 


And, hello gorgeous knobs!! 


We headed to Hobby Lobby to find some awesome knobs for this piece because the plain wooden ones it originally had were just not cutting it anymore. 

We found the gorgeous turquoise ones first and knew they definitely had to make an appearance.
Then we found some crazy awesome white knobs but they only had one left.
We were hoping to get four different ones for the second row of drawers just for fun, but we ended up going to three Hobby Lobbys and couldn't find anymore.

But the silver mirrored ones were a happy find during one of my random Hobby Lobby runs.
And all was good again :) 

Plus we got them all half off- definitely go that route!!


Aren't the contrasting knobs so fun?
We kept saying they were just the 'jewelry' the dresser needed. 



The whole thing got a nice coat of Polycrylic when we were finished for protection. 


Sigh. 
I just love love love the silver finish. 
And I'm so glad her hubby didn't want us to cover the top.
Gives it just enough contrast to let the silver really shine. 


One last look at how far it came: 


What do you think of our glamorous dresser? 

Do you love the awesome knobs as much as I do? 


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July 19, 2012

'Scaled' Bathroom Art & Free Printables!!


Whew!
I'm back today to share a little more into my fun kids bathroom makeover I showed you at the beginning of the week!!

One of my favorite pieces that I added into the bathroom were some easy DIY art pieces. 
Remember these guys from the reveal? 


I really wanted something fun to add to that long wall & these were just the ticket. 
Can you believe those pretty frames started as these ugly goldish ones? 


I picked all three of them up from Goodwill for a couple of dollars.
Then they got a good spraydown in glossy white. 


I wanted lots of color for the background so I grabbed the ever-growing stack of paint samples I have stashed in my craft drawer and started playing.

(The only way I can bribe little man into going to Lowes with me...yet again... is by telling him he can get more paint cards. He. is. obsessed. ) 

I ended up using some scrapbook paper too because I wanted a bit of pattern mixed in.
I just took my one-inch circle punch and started punching tons of circles.
After I punched about a million of them, I started laying them out on the cardboard backings that were in the frame.
Make sure to overlap them a bit so no cardboard shows, plus it'll make that cool 'scaled' effect!!


I used hot glue to adhere them to the cardboard backing. 
Then I had to come up with something for the middle of the frames. 

I ended up finding nothing I really wanted so, what to do?
Create my own!!
I made three simple bathroom prints in the colors I wanted & attached them to some scrap wood with little furniture brads. 

I love how they added a bit of dimension to them!
They could also just as easily be attached to the middle & then glass put back over it. 
Whatever floats your boat :) 


Honestly, little man doesn't take showers in here so it doesn't get all crazy steamy & wet in here. 
Obviously, when that changes, glass will be needed to protect the poor things. 

But for now, they work :) 


I love, love, love the punch of color & personality they bring into the room! 

Aren't they fun in here?? 


Want your own prints? 
I did the legwork for ya!! 

Click below to download each of them or just the ones you want!!


Click below to Download: 





Printables are intended as gifts for Tattered and Inked readers only.
As with all my free printables,
these are for personal use ONLY.
Please do not claim them as your own or alter them.



What do you think?
Going to create your own scaled art now?? 

Hope you guys are having a great week!

I'm gearing up for a baby shower this week so I've got lots of projects underway-
plus TONS of furniture reveals to share with you :)



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July 17, 2012

I'm hanging at this awesome place...

I'm hanging with the amazing Brooke over at Get Outta My Head Please today!!!


I'll be sharing a super easy way to add color to your home accessories and you'll want to make a million of them :)


So head over here to check it out!!!
Please :) 





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July 16, 2012

Kids Bathroom Makeover

Hello friends!!
I hope your weekend was filled with all sorts of fun & family :) 

We had a pretty nice weekend. 
Hubs took me on a random date night Friday night to our favorite restaurant (On the Border!) and we got a little getaway night.
Plus we sold hubby's old car!
Wahooo!!
Finally. Now it's completely checked off my list and I don't have to think about it anymore!

People keep asking me when little man starts school and I just close my ears to it!
(well... I answer them. I'm not ignoring them- ha!) 
But I'm SO not ready to think about when school starts...for both of us. 
I'm enjoying the summer- and sticking with that right now!!

So...
I thought it high time to show another room reveal.
I have a major room reveal to show you soon 
(can anyone say craft room???) 
but for now I thought I'd show you little man's bathroom. 
Which we redid about a year and a half ago.
Yup. It's taken me that long to get pictures & a tutorial up.
don't judge :)

Here's what we were working with: 


Obviously the main thing that needed to change was that dreaded wallpaper. 
Both of our bathrooms had this same paper. 
Which I guess in wallpaper world it's not the absolute worst. 
But still. Ugh. 

You can see my master bath reveal here and see what we did with it!


The other major thing was getting rid of all the gold fixtures. 
This is the mirror that came in the room and it wasn't ideal for lots of reasons.

First- it was a yucky fake gold color and was peeling.
Second- it doesn't work on that huge wall at. all. 
So it had to go. 

But that required finding the perfect mirror.
Which we didn't for a while. 
We lived with the wallpaper for about a year before I wanted to tackle it.
But I did mess with the mirror to at least tone down the gold for a bit. 

Here's the mirror changed up. 
Definitely a difference but still a lot to be desired...


About a year after living with the wallpaper, 
I decided to tackle it on a whim.
One of those "I can't stand looking at it anymore' projects.
Basically, hubby woke up to strips of gooey wallpaper everywhere on a random saturday morning.
Sorry, hun. 


And after a few days of hard work and little bit of creativity later...
here's the fabulous after!!!


Isn't it a million times better???
The walls had to be textured and then I painted them in SW's "watery".
It was a nice, soft blue color. 


The shower curtain is from Target and was the perfect blend of colors I wanted to use. 
The watery blue, dark browns and soft greens. Plus a hint of yellow. 
Exactly the colors I was wanting to bring into the space. 

My sister won the "Bless our Nest" print and gave it to us. 
It worked perfectly in the bathroom.
Plus I was wanting to add touches of birds because little man (and me) both love them!!
(You can find the print here


I gave the cabinets a fresh coat of white paint and changed out the gold hardware with some oil rubbed bronze pulls. 

And I finally found the perfect mirror!! 
My mom picked this awesome wood-grain mirror at Big Lots and then decided it didn't work in her space. 
So it came home with me :) 
Doesn't it look great on that wall?? 


The frames above the toilet were some thrifty finds that I painted a glossy white.
Tutorials on the art inside of them to come later :) 


I added a vinyl saying from Hobby Lobby above the mirror to fill out a little more blank space! 

Here's a few close-ups of the pieces around the mirror: 


Most of the items in the bathroom were found & repurposed in some way.
The easiest way to get pieces in the colors you need- just add spraypaint!!

Item Breakdown: 
Ceramic Bird Eggs: Redo here
Chevron Frame: Target Frame that I covered in chevron paper
Ceramic Birds: Michaels
Green Shelves: Thrifted & Painted
Jute Empty Frame: Thrifted Frame wrapped in Jute
'Bath" Wood Art: Thrifted & Painted
White Candle: Accessorized a bit :) 
White Mini Stool: Target Dollar Bin
Birdhouse: Michaels- stained dark walnut
Washcloth caddy: Hobby Lobby


The cute 'Brush you Teeth" Print is from Thirty Handmade Days and I just added it to a thrifted frame that I painted white. 

I also went ahead and updated the outlet covers and other fixtures in oil-rubbed bronze.
The towel holder & toilet paper holder were spraypainted ORB. 


I love all the fun pops of color in here! 
Definitely more of a kids space than the stuffy wallpaper that was here before!!!


Need another reminder of how far this little bathroom came?? 


What do you think? 
It's amazing how a little paint and the right accessories can make a room seem bigger & brighter, huh? 

I hope you enjoyed my little tour :) 
I'll be back later this week to share the framed art how-to!! 

Have a great Monday!!


......................................................................
Click below to check out some of my other room reveals: 



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