August 30, 2010

Quick Life Ramblings...and possibly a come-back!

Like my title?

So school is good for me...who would have thought? It's distracting in the very least...

Wanna know what I did today? Of course you do! Because you've heard so little from me as of late, anything would be great, right?

Wait til you hear what I did.

I got to poke around inside a human body. Yup.

No. Not figuritively.

Like a live real body.
I got to see these muscles today:



In real life. Guys, it was pretty cool.
I mean...gross.. but cool.
I guess that's why they call it gross anatomy.

Want to know another random fact of my day? Or I guess it's really a random life fact.
I am seriously addicted to Gilmore Girls.



Like. Not just a little addicted.
Like... I own all seven seasons and could probably beat most people at random trivia questions.
I speak Gilmore. Fluently.

I had forgotten how much I really loved it until recently. I started to DVR some episodes just to have as background for when I craft and can't really concentrate on the TV but just want some noise.
Do ya'll do that?
I can't be the only one...

It's funny how in-sync it can be with my life.
In a crazy, sarcastic, scripted kind of way.

One of the main characters was talking about her husband just having a heart attack and not being able to continue taking care of some of the household things for a little while.
"It's like a canoe. Life"

Profound if you listen carefully to what she tries to explain. :)

She says she feels as though (now, remember she's had a couple cocktails guys) she's been in a canoe with her husband through life and both of them have been paddling. Now all of a sudden he's dropped the paddle and left her with just her own.
So all she can do is go in circles.

I know. I know. Where am I going with this?

Well I really do feel like that right now.
I feel as though someone has dropped their paddle and left me floundering, trying to make up for their sudden dissapearance.
And now I'm just going in crazy circles.
I don't like going in circles.
I'm tired of circles, guys.

Are you guys shaking your heads at me yet?
Trying to figure out how to make sense of all this?
Me too.

However... I do know that the circles won't last forever.
Either the other person will pick up their paddle again and help me steer straight or I'll figure out to go straight with just my own paddle ( and a little help from God...okay a lot of help).

Were you excited about the comeback part of my title?
I'm not making any promises...but I do have some things I've been working on.
I'm going to try and be a good blogger again :)

Here's something I threw together yesterday just as a daily reminder to me to not give up...
I used it on something I"ll show you later (I know I'm a tease).

(I printed it on my photo printer as a 5x7... if it's a reminder you need, feel free to grab it and stick it somewhere you'll see it)



I'm trying to remember that daily.
It's easy to give up when somebody else already has.
But that's when you have to stand up and fight even harder.

Guys... when I got married I didn't sign up for 'easy'.
I signed up for life.

I know you guys don't know all the details...but if you'll continue keeping me and my husband in your prayers, it is so greatly needed and appreciated.

Love you guys.

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August 25, 2010

Discouraged...

Guys.

I am just plain discouraged.

I really was all hyped up this week...I thought 'yea! This is the week to get back into the blogging swing of things! I can so do this'

and...well... nope.

This has been a hell of a week, excuse the phrase.

I start classes for the fall tomorrow. My first official year in OT school...bought all my huge books today and I'm staring at them thinking 'No way can I do this'

In my crazy head, I thought all my life chaos would be sorted out before classes started. Needless to say, nothing has changed and I am disheartened.

I have been on an emotional roller coast these past five weeks and I just want to get off. I want a break... I want life to start being fair. I want my life to just be back to normal.

Instead I'm starting hardcore classes tomorrow, juggling a three-year old and a messy house. I have appointments mixed in everywhere and a class starting next week at a church that is geared towards helping me deal with the chaotic hurt going on in my life.

I feel lost in the midst of things, dear friends.

I feel discouraged and let down... confused and completely overwhelmed.

In essence, I just hurt.

This song has gotten me through the week:


Pray for me and my family if you would.
As broken as I am, I'm trying to fight for us.

Sorry for being the world's worst blogger lately... it'll change.

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August 10, 2010

Working on some things...

I know...it's been three weeks...

Trust me... I know.

Please don't think that I have forgotten you, my lovely friends.
I really really want to get back into the swing of things.

Things are still not right within my family...within my life...
this is one of those times when you are trying to look through the clouds to see the sunshine peeking through.

I'm trying hard to remember that there IS sunny days ahead... a brighter future...
but right now that picture is incredibly fuzzy.

I know only a few things for certian right now...because everything else is so uncertian...

1. God is good...even when things are horrible. Nothing is beyond His amazing power... even in my suffering, I see His hands at work in our lives. My heart hurts and my life is in chaotic pieces but I have an amazing Savior that holds it all in His hands and promises to put it back together, even better than before.
What more can we ask for than that?
He promises to carry us when things become too hard... and I know for a fact that His promise to do that holds true.
For He is carrying me now.

2. I have friends and family that are enormous blessings. I could not have made it, be making it, through these tumultuous weeks without them. They are helping me set my feet on solid ground and keep on walking even when it seems near impossible.

3. I have hope.  God promises that if we put our hope in Him, He will give us a peace that transends all understanding. I know that His will is going to prevail and I know that He loves me, my husband and my little boy more than we could imagine. With Him, there is always hope. Always.

4. I love the one who is hurting me so. It's hard to see that in writing. But it is true. My commitment to you is there. My love for you will never end, no matter what happens. My heart breaks but it continues on... and I will never give up fighting.

If you will, continue praying for my family.
I promise I will return... I'm trying to sift through things to find my inspiration again :)

I love you guys.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."
Psalm 55:22


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